Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Waking Up On A Cold And Frosty Morn

Dear Cheapskate,

I know. Why get out of bed in the morning? Why?
It's cold out there, out in the frigid bedroom air! (You don't use heat, do you? Especially not at night? Heat costs money!!) It's too cold to stick even the most brave and curious of body parts, your little arm, out from under the warm blankets. Would you subject your arm to such an insult? No, of course not! What to do?

I have a couple of suggestions.

1) Don't get up! If you telecommute via iPhone, or, even better, are unemployed, just stay in bed! Wrap yourself in an extra blanket and sit up if you desire. Keep some snacks by the pillow - a bowl of almonds and raisins is nice. Lean your back against a pillow, read a book.

2) If you must get up, sleep in your clothes. Say you go to sleep on a Tuesday. On Tuesday night dress in your Wednesday clothes then get in bed. Delicious warm bed. Wake up Wednesday ready to go! No need to expose your bare skin to the inclement bedroom. You're warm and dressed already.
If your clothes are too uncomfortable to sleep in, change your wardrobe. I recommend sweatpants. Business suits, jeans, anything tight or prone to wrinkles - get rid of it.

3) If you refuse to sleep in your clothes (you are so stubborn!) keep them next to you under the covers. In the morning get dressed under the covers before you get out of bed.

4) As a last resort, scream. Scream and run for it. Throw off the covers, rip off your flannel pajamas (scream with extra gusto as the icy blast hits your naked body), yank on some warm clothes and a down vest, shiver, do some jumping jacks until you warm up enough to stop screaming, and you're good to go.

But what about the water pipes, the spider plant in the macramé hanger by the window, the "Cheepie" the pet parakeet? They need heat don't they?

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