Do you have trouble reading small print? Like this. Do you need a magnifying glass to read the newspaper? Wait, Cheapskate, do you read a newspaper, a real newspaper made out of paper, and not an electronic tablet? Wow. No wonder your eyes went bad, you're old. Really old.
I know a miracle!!!! It's top secret but I love you so I will tell you about this miracle. Are you ready??
I know what you're thinking. Miracles are expensive. How much do these miraculous "reading glasses" cost? You can't afford the millions of dollars. WRONG! I mean, no, you can't afford millions of dollars - good luck buying a diamond encrusted bathtub- but you can afford this particular miracle.
What would you pay for a miraculous little device that transforms your eyes from lazy globs of mucus into finely honed, focused, precision, type-face recognition machines? $100? $500? $10,000??? Sure, but you only have to pay a dollar!! One little dollar! You'll be able to read and you'll look smart, too! I know you're smart but you'll look even smarter sporting glasses!!
The dollar store has reading glasses for a dollar!!! That's ONE DOLLAR. I went crazy and bought three pairs! And one of the pairs is diamond-encrusted!!!!! (photo coming soon)
Cheapskate, what are the best things to buy at the dollar store?