Monday, May 31, 2010

Gross Me Out The Door!

Dear Cheapskate,

What's Crackalackin'?

Did you collect Garbage Pail Kids cards in the 80's while listening to Cyndi Lauper sing "She Bop" and teasing your hair? Did you think, "Damn Skippy, these cards are awesome! Snot and puke are hilarious! Hahahahaha!" Did you clutch your stomach and double over laughing? If so, you're reading the right blog post.

Cheapskate, if you are delicate, like I am, please read no further. If you must read on, I beg you, please, please, have your smelling salts ready. Consider having a physician stand by. I don't want the shock to fell you. I don't want you to wig-out.

I have discovered or invented several wonderful but grodie ways to save a ton of money. I'm not saying I do these things myself. Maybe I do and maybe I don't. Maybe I just know someone who does. Maybe these things are done only in novels written for children. Who knows?

Toilet Paper.
Use one square. Are you a 25-squares-at-a-time yanker? Your toilet paper will last 25 times longer by using only one square per episode!
$100 per year with '25 squares' method
$4 per year with '1 square' method
Savings: $96 per year

Dental Floss.
Use the same piece of floss over and over and over until it breaks. Don't use it a mere once then toss it. A decent piece of dental floss is good for at least ten flosses!
$60 per year with 'disposable floss' method
$6 per year with 'reusable floss' method
Savings: $54 per year

Chewing Gum.
It's reusable. It loses it's flavor after ten seconds of chewing anyway so why not start with a tasteless piece for free? Stick your chewed gum on the bed post for safe keeping then pluck it off when you're ready for a chew! One piece of gum will last for days!
$50 per year with 'disposable gum' method
$5 per year with 'reusable gum' method
Savings: $45 per year

Cheapskate, I know! These ideas totally wail!!

Do you know any other disgusting yet brilliant ways to save money? Gag me with a spoon!


  1. You could also consider using the "family cloth" method of using washable cloth wipes instead of toilet paper. You can either use them for #1 only or you can go ultra extreme and use them for #2 as well.

  2. That's a great idea. I used cloth diapers for my babies and this would be less gross than that!

  3. AnonymousJune 16, 2010

    Your mouth is the dirtiest part of your body. Be sure to toss your used sections of dental floss into a jar of mouthwash so that you won't re-introduce the germs, and bacteria that you just removed from between your teeth.
    As for re-using chewing gum, try combining three or four globs of it, and then coat the whole thing with a mixture of sugar, star anise powder, cardamon, and a drop of honey.

  4. AnonymousJune 17, 2010

    This is a followup to my last comment:
    Substitute aspartame, or better known as Equal, for sugar, and omit the honey if you're concerned about tooth decay.


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